To Save your marriage is often better than a divorce.
I personnally do know quite a few divorced couples that really regret the divorce. When things went wrong in those marriages, emotions of jealousy, anger and frustration took over. There seemed to be only 1 exit: the divorce.
However, during the weeks and months after the event, the negative feelings faded away. Then the divorced parents start thinking about what caused the divorce really? When they started to see each other again to discuss the well being of their children, they found out that they had so much in common. Too many valuable things to throw away. They found out that they still like each others company.
Their conclusion is that they should have saved their marriage. But at the time of the divorce, they did not even think about this option. In the mean time, they stepped into relationships with others, which makes it harder to get back together again. They say their marriage failed due to a lack of communication. "At the time of our divorce, we did not realise, but looking back, all the pieces of the puzzle fall on the right place".
They regret being divorced and they are very concious of the pain they have caused for their children.
Even if only you believe in it and want to do the effort and your spouse does not, here's what you have to do:
If you cannot save your marriage yourself, involve a marriage counselor.
Many marriages end because the partners do not communicate well enough. As a consequence, the man and the woman grow apart from each other. The just do not know any more what is going on the mind of their partner, they are too busy with their work, hobbies and others and they grow apart even more. It is a circle that is difficult to break for couples that are in their.
Unconsiously, the easiest way to "continue" living together is to completely deny that something is going into the wrong direction. Just do not talk about it. Then it does not exist and it will go away. Until the day that one of the partners finds out that his marriage is not worth it any more.
We grew apart. The easiest way out seems to be a divorce. Many people even do not consider marriage counseling.
If a couple does realise there is a serieus lack of communication, they sometimes try go resolve it themselves. But as emotions can take over easily, instead of having a positive conversation these initiatives often end in verbal fights instead. A marriage counselor creates an environment in which both partners can safely express their emotions and thoughts.
Concluding, we can say that you should seriously try to save your marriage for the benefit of your children and for your own good. A marriage counselor helps you to save your marriage
Return to the Child Friendly Divorce Self Assessment page.