My fault?-Mira

by Mira

Well, my parents got divorced when I was about 2yr old. I have 2 sisters. After my eldest sister died when I was a baby,with my sis that was born with only one kidney. So she always got sick and then my dad became handicapped after an accident, he couldn't walk straight anymore. Then maybe my mom had enough, so they gave up.

I lived for almost 2yr with my aunt family and my first memory is when my aunt yelled at me because I mistaken call her mom. I knew that time my life was different..after that day my aunt send me back to my dad and my sister. My mom didn’t take any of us because. I don’t know.

My mom and dad both got married and have their own life after divorced.

My dad was so kind and warm but he really didn’t know how to connect with me. So did I. I am more close to my sister because she was my babysitter, my friend. My stepmom annoyed me.

Here's the thing, I’m felling like hanging.
It hurts to see your dad here your mom there with their new family. And their children’s feeling like me and my sister didn’t exist because their children got a mom and a dad and we did not. And as I grew up my family relatives put the blame on me. They said that I have bad luck.

My family shattered right after I was born. I know it wasn’t my fault. Things happen, right? But I am still feeling guilty.
Furthermore my relatives always snap at me, fooling me. It broke my self esteem.

Well, if you're not pretty like the other sibling you'll get it. My physical appearence is crap. The thing that hurts me the most is when I did build courage to be confident and live my life, they didn’t support me like family use to.

They (my grandpa’s family) were putting down my pride and my past. For them that was just a joke. But now I've got anxiety attacks whenever I go to familiar places. My phobia is the people that recognize me. I just act cold each time so they won’t bother me.

My past totaly ruined my future. I am 18 and just lay back at home after dropped from high school because I am too nervous to go.

P.S: my wish when I was 9 was getting my family back even though they're married other person. Well I am a foolish kid. Sadly my dad passed away 7 years ago. This stranger feeling keeps hunting me (like I am a stranger when talking to him), its awkward but I love you so much dad.

My sister and I ran from home after my dad died. We live with my grandpa and his children. We couldn’t fit with my stepmom. My sister ran away from my grandpa’s house. She can’t stand their insults any more. I can do nothing because I am still a kid.

Every day I got this thing where I am afraid that my past will come back, like it was just a dream that hasn’t happen yet.

Its actually a long story, but too long to write..

I hope we all live a happy life.