Joint custody tips

Here are some joint custody tips: both parents should take responsibility and place the interests of the children above their own.

Setting hurt and anger aside

The key to co-parenting is focusing on your children. This means that your own emotions-even the anger, resentment, or hurt - have to be second to the needs of your children. It's okay to be hurt and angry, but your feelings don't have to dictate your behavior. Setting aside such strong feelings may be though learning to work cooperatively with your ex-partner.

Shared custody is not about your feelings, but rather about your children's happiness, stability, and future. Resolve to keep your issues with your ex-partner away from your children. Keeping stress in check - no matter what life brings, you have more controle than your think.

See article Anger child divorce for more about setting hurt and anger aside.

Communication with the co-parent

Even though it may seem impossible, peaceful, consistent, and purposeful communication with your co-parent is key to the success of co-parenting. It is all about mindset. Remember that the communication has a top priority: your children's well being. Even before you contact the co-parent, imagine the impact of the discussion on the well being of the children.

Decide how you will conduct yourself with class. Make your children the sole and the focal point of every discussion. Succesful shared custody implies conflict-free communication.

See article Joint custody communication for more about communication with the co-parent.

Parenting as a team

Parenting means taking decisions together with your ex-partner, preferably without conflicts. Children need to know they're living under the same basic set of expectations at each home. If you aim for consistency, geniality, and teamwork with your ex-partner that helps avoid confusion for your children. This also means that major decisions need to be made by both you and your ex-partner. You are bound to disagree over certain issues.

Since conflict is inevitable, learning to deal with it in a positive way is crucial. When handled right, conflict provides an opportunity for growth, ultimately strengthening the bond between two people.

For more joint custody tips: Coparenting for more about parenting as a team.

Making Transitions easier

The actual action of having to move from one household to another, can be very hard for children. Transitions represent a major change in your children's reality. Every reunion with one parent is also a separation with the other. You are bound to disagree over certain issues.In joint custody arrangements, transition time is inevitable. Find ways of making the exchanges and transitions easier, both when your children leave and return. It will help the children manage the insecurity that comes with these changes.

See Making joint custody transition easier