"Effects of my Parents divorce on me, my wife and my son" Paul
(New York, United States)
I have never discussed my parents divorce with anyone beside my wife until this very moment.
My parents were divorced remarried and divorced again. Im not sure what caused it, I never asked. There are things I have come to understand over the years that contributed to it but it was hard to get the facts because my Mother and Father never speak to each other.
They were such hard times for me personally. Im not exactly sure how my sister handled it because he was always very determined to be miserable.
I first met my Fathers first affair during a dinner my dad had arranged without us knowing it.
This is how it went:
Dad: I want to make a toast to us
Me: and Mom
Dad: No not your Mom...
(In walks a lady I have never seen before, Blonde hair Blue Eyes her Name was )
Dad: Guys I want you to meet we are dating and are eventually going to et married.
Me: (Instantly began to cry)
Dad: Don't you F*#$@*& dare cry.
Me: I don't remember what I had to eat for dinner and I had a really good reason.
I still cant believe sometimes that I actually have an adult relationship with him today.
He is now on his fourth wife. (Clearly Im not the problem and luckily that was never an issue for me).
I had to focus on taking care of my Mother and Sister. This is what he told me the night before he left.
He was a City Cop and I never really saw him much except for the weekends. The only way I knew he was home was when the shower was on at midnight but then that stopped.
It was just the three of us and my Dad occasionally kicking the door in because my Mother kept changing the locks. He would take thing that he told me were mine and break into the garage to take his weights and whatever else he thought he was entitled too.
There was absolutely no communication between them just bitter actions and comments all of which were sure to heard by me and my sister.
Then all of the sudden my Mom and Dad were getting married again. WHAT???? They are out of their minds ..... I did not want my dad home again but my Mom said yes and thought it would benefit me and my sister. F That.. don't we get a say? Nope.. suck it up and try to be a dysfunctional family again.
The next one was the best ... My dad had an affair with one of his good friends wife and it back to the same cycle. (Deep Breath)
I am getting to a point .... The years went by and still no interaction between my parents. I know of several people with divorced parents and even some couples who have gone through a divorce... they all still communicate ..
There was never any dual parenting ever again not even through my wedding or the birth of my baby boy. I am still very aware that I was not the cause.
The problems that I have had come from the lack of confidence that was shoved in my face by their shortcomings and insecurities as individuals.
I have learned from their errors and with the love and support from my wife and Son I have learned how to create my own life and turn away from their damaging path.