Effect of Divorce on Children Story of Pim

by Pim
(North Carolina)

children divorce story: conquest of the dune

children divorce story: conquest of the dune

Susan and I lived and worked with our 2 boys in a financial center city. That is were we met each other. We married and we found ourselves a nice first home. When the first baby came, I continued working and Susan stayed at home to care for the little guy.

Things went fine. But when the financial crisis hit, I was forced to chang jobs a few times. Business wise, things worked out pretty wel for me. I became partner in a small asset management firm. In the mean time, our second boy had been born and we moved to a bigger house in a nice village. So far so good.

One day Susan brought up the wish to have a second home at the coast at about 250 miles, close to her family and old friends. We agreed to buy a pied-a-terre over there were we could spend the weekends. Susan and the kids liked being there very much and after a while we decided to sell the big house in the village and move with the family to the coast.

I did not want to give up my job in the financial center, so I rented a small appartment over here. I had agreed with my partners that I work 2 weeks a month in the office and the rest of the time I work from home. A significant part of my job is visiting customers and doing acquisition, so I am on the road a lot. The travelling I can do from home too.

Business wise, it worked out fine. I travelled back and forth to the financial center. Susan stayed at home to take care of the kids. Everybody seemed to be happy. Until the day I came home and Susan told me the had fallen in love with somebody else.

So we broke up. I decided not to fight. It is difficult to discuss with somebody that is in love. They are not sensible for facts and arguments. The first thing I did was accepting it. Of course it hit me hard emotionally, but I felt that going against the stream would bring me not any further.

We bought a second small house at 300 meters from the first at the coast. Susan lives there now. The school of the children is very close to our houses. They go there alone and they can walk themselves very easily from my house to their mothers house.

The children stay with me when I am around. When I am travelling or in the financial center, they are with their mother. Fortunately, Susan is very flexible and the kids take it easy. They are used to switching homes. At both places they have their own rooms, stuff and toys.

The boys are 11 and 9 years old now. The break-up was 2,5 years ago. It hit them hard. The oldest is in peace with the new situation now. The little is still having difficulties with it. He seems to be more emotional. He keeps asking why we broke up and why we do not get back together again. He needs very much care and attention from Susan and from me. He is also ashamed to tell at school and to his friends about his parents being divorced. So we spend as much time with them as we can.

3 month after the break-up, the new relationship of Susan ended apruptly. She felt very bad about it and she became depressed. She was only seeing negative things, she did not enjoy life at all and she could not take care of the children well enough. She had to go into therapy and she got medicins. During a year I supported her as much as I could. Of course, when I was travelling, I could not do very much, but in between, I took care of her and of the boys. The divorce was already hard enough for the boys. A depressed mother on who they could not count made the situation for them much worse. That is why I decided to support her as much as possible. After a year or so she felt much better. She slowly stopped with the therapy and with the medicins and today she is feeling good again. Our children are also much happier today than during the first year after the divorce.

I personally have been going through a very difficult period. After the divorce I started dating again. I soon discovered that dating through the internet was the best way to go. I found a nice and beautiful new lady friend. We know each other for 9 month now and we are very happy together. At the moment we do not live together yet. We meet in the week-ends and sometimes during the week.

Susan has found herself a new partner too. This new year evening we have toasted on the new year together with our new partners. That was a strange experience. I hope that our lives will be good again from today and that our boys will have a vibrant future. For now, there is quite some work to do to improve the emotional situation of the young one.

Maybe some of you have some tips?

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Jan 23, 2013
Well done and a suggestion
by: Anonymous

Dear Pim,
Thank you for sharing your story with us.

As I understand from your story, you did very well by not fighting over the divorce with Susan. It was very good of you to support her instead.

I am sure that has benefited the children very much.

Please figure out how you can help your youngest son with his emotional state.

Did you consider professional help?

Warm regards, Emmily Napier

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