Divorce mediation is the alternative for disputing your divorce in court.
When you go to a divorce lawyer and to court, things use to end up dirty. You will try to win. Your divorcing partner has the same intention. Instead of collaborating to optimize the new situation for all the family members, the focus is usually on fighting the other person. You will try to win on the expense of the other. It is in the interest of the divorce lawyers that the process is as complicated as possible and that it takes as long as possible.
What about collaborating with your ex and trying to get the best out of the divorce for both of you? A mediator is specialized in supporting both of you to reach this objective.
There are only a few requisitions to start a divorce mediation process:
A collaborative divorce is a legal process covered in Collaborative Law. Collaborative law started to kick off in the 1980-ies. Today it exists in many countries.
The objective of mediation is to resolve a conflict in a way that is in the best interest of both parties. The process ends in a written and signed agreement.
The divorce mediator guides you through the mediation process. He does not give advice, he is not a counselor and he does not decide. That is up to you.
The mediator will find out what your interests and those of your partner are. If there are children involved, he might even include the interests of the children. The mediator helps both of you to set aside your emotions and helps you to focus on your interests. The mediator goes through a structured process. In the first phase he will collect your conscious and inconsious interests and those of your partner. Mostly, this is done in one-to-one sessions, so you can speak freely. By analysing, comparing and prioritizing both your interests and those of your partner, he creates the basis for the negotiations between you and your partner. The negotiations take place in an open atmosphere. You will explain your interests to each other.
If one partner is better educated or is verbally stronger, the mediator will assist the weaker person in the process.
The process ends by compiling what has been agreed into a written contract and the contract will be signed by both parties.
The outcome of a divorce mediation is most of the time much better than the outcome of a court ruling. In a court ruling, there is always a winner and a loser. In a divorce mediation, there are winners only.
The mediation process takes between 4 and 10 sessions, typically of 1.5 hour. The mediator charges an hourly fee which is usually much lower than the fee of a divorce attorney. Both of you share the costs. If you go through court, you have to pay the 100% to your own lawyer.
Another advantage of mediation is the lead time. A mediation process can be completed in a couple of weeks. That will come as a relief for yourself, for your children and for your ex.
Mediation has become a real profession. Although mediator is not a regulated profession in most countries, professional mediators are certified and most of them are listed on a formal list of mediators that is deposited at the courts.
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