Divorce Advice for Men: change for the better

Divorce advice for men includes topics like alimony and child support, child custody, child visitation rights, how to keep the financial costs down, knowing the legal rights, your support network, parenting plans and how to communicate with your ex-wife.

Building a new relationship with your ex-wife and maintaining your network are essential to let your children thrive after your divorce

In the traditional family situation the man has a job or a business and earns the money and the wife takes care of the the children and the house. When the couple separates, the woman continues with her role as caretaker of the children and the man continous working.

Usually, the man is supposed to pay for the living of his ex-wife for years to come and he needs to pay for child support. All this is a very costly situation for a divorced father.

Apart from the financial troubles a man usually steps into after his divorce, the children are an other concern. Some fathers prefer their ex-wife to take care of the children most of the time. They are satisfied with visitation rights or a similar agreement so they can see their children for example during the weekend every 14 days. In such a situation, the Divorce Advice for Men related to the children is to agree on this with your ex-wife. But first ask yourself: is this what the children want? Is this in their benefit?

However, most fathers prefer to really take care of their children themselves and to keep playing an important role in their lifes. If that is the case, the father should take quite a few measures to ensure that he will get at least a part of the child custody.

Essential in this process is to remember that a judge decides on what is the best for the children and not on the wishes of the divorced parents.

Divorce Advice for Men: tips

The first step you could take is to keep communicating with your ex and in a constructive way. Do not focus on the past and on what went wrong and do not - never - blame your ex-wife for the divorce or for other things that went wrong during or after the relationship. It does not help you and it will only deteriorate the relationship. Also, do not talk about your new relationships with your ex-wife.

Your children should be the single subject of the new relationship with your ex-wife. Agree on joint custody and define a parenting plan together. Listen to your children and respect their wishes and their needs in the plan. The plan must be put on paper so it can be presented to a judge.

In the future, you and your ex-wife can then evaluate the situation against the original plan. Over time, your life, the life of your ex-wife and the life of your children change. If needed, adapt the parenting plan.

A good divorce advice for men is this: If you really want to take care of your children and you want them to live with you partially or all the time, you will probably have to change your life quite a bit. Especially if you have a more than full time job and you are away from home often. It helps if you work less and you have a flexible working schedule. Such a situation will benefit the children.

Be aware, that if your wife is awarded full child custody and you do not even have visitation rights, a judge can still rule that you have to pay for child support. There are different child support enforcement meganisms in case monthly child support payments are overdue. The most common one is that your employer has to pay the child support amount to your ex-wife and deduct the amount from your pay cheque.

The support network.

As stated in the introduction of this article about Divorce Advice for Men, you need a support network. Most men have grown up in the macho culture in which he is supposed to be strong and independent. Some men in a divorce situation tend to set aside their emotions.

To avoid discussing the divorce with their friends and family they start avoiding them. Instead, divorced men should use their existing network for their own benefit. It helps to share problems and emotions with friends and relatives. They can help you with advice and more importantly with practical help like picking up the children from school once a week or with doing your shopping while you spend time with your children.

Participate in support groups or focus groups in your neighbourhood. It is easy to find out where those groups are on the internet. There are many people out there in the same situation. Support groups prove to be very helpful to pick up your life again and to face the challenges ahead. You can learn from the experiences, the mistakes and the bright ideas of others. You do not have to walk the path alone.

Child abuse

The last divorce advice for men in this article is about abuse of the children. Once one or more of your children have been subject of abuse by your ex-wife, you should protect them from future abuse. Keep them away from your ex-wife. If abuse is obvious, a judge will assign single custody to you. Seek help from a professional to guide you through the process to avoid making painful mistakes for the children.