Coping with divorce isn't easy. When you decide to divorce or when your partner announces she or he wants to divorce, the event itself triggers lots of emotions. Be it relief, anger, disappointment, feeling betrayed, deception or maybe fear. What is going to happen next with your life and the life of your children? Usually, a divorce comes with a solid dose of stress.
While coping with divorce, your emotions play a dominant role. It would be strange if they don't. You just ended a period of your life that was suppossed to last forever. During the first period it is good to feel your emotions and to let them guide you. However, emotions influence your decision making. If anger and jealousy are the dominant emotions, you might develop ideas about how to punish, sabotage, revenge or make the life of your ex just as miserable as possible.
As long as those ideas stay in your mind for a short period and you do not take any action into that direction, it is okay. Be aware of them. Play around with some of your thoughts. You can even imagine how your ex will react. Such a mental process reduces the level of your negative emotions. They might even disappear.
The positive emotions at coping with divorce guide you in a positive direction of thought. Among positive emotions are happiness, relief, feeling appreciated, feeling beloved and feeling respected. The negative emotions will have the overhand, but there will be positive emotions too. Focus on them. Your children will love you as will your parents and your best friends.
We humans are strange creatures. If you are mentally absent when you interact with somebody else, he will feel your absense somehow and respond to it by not paying attention to you either. Have you ever been treated unfriendly by a bar keeper? You probably thought the guy is a jerk. Did you ever came into your mind that it was you who unconsciously caused his unfriendly attitude? From within you were not friendly to him. He felt it and he responded likewise.
This process happens very often, without being aware of it. If you think again and are friendly from within, authentic, people will respond to you likewise.
Once you understand this process, it is not difficult to change the explosive atmosphere between you and your ex into a much more positive relationship again. No, I am not saying that you will or have to get back together again. It is just because in a positive atmosphere you and your ex can work on the details of the divorce much easier and with positive results.
So, let go you negative feelings. They stand in your way to coping with divorce. They stand in the way of the prosperous future of your children future for all of you. Treat you ex with respect and dignity. Do not be angry, do not blame, do not fight. Your ex will change his attitude.
How is making the life of somebody else difficult and miserable helping you moving forward? Keeping on fighting with your ex will drain all your energy. Since you can use your energy only once, it only makes you tired and it brings you nothing but frustration and more negative thoughts and emotions. It will feed the negative spiralling downwards and when you move on into this direction your days will be darker and darker. You will feel very sorry for yourself and you will blame your ex and everyone else.
However, if you seriously consider your options and what is in the best interest of your children, you use your energy in a positive way and move ahead. When you are on speaking terms again with your ex by respecting each other again, you break the negative spiral. The stress from the divorce and your negative emotions will diminish or disappear completely. Positive feelings surface. You start smiling again. You start seeing the beauty of life again, despite the divorce or maybe because of the divorce.
Positive feelings and thoughts bring you positive energy.Coping with Divorce and Your Children
If you are coping with divorce, listen to your emotions about the divorce and your ex. Identify them and change them into positive, constructive and supportive feelings towards your ex. Your ex will respond likewise. Maybe not the first time, but keep going. It will come. You make space for positive feelings that help you and your children to move into a positive direction.
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