The 10 don'ts in helping children cope with divorce
There are many does and don'ts for helping children cope with divorce. As parents we are responsible for helping our children. There are a couple of things parents need to be aware of and protect their children from.
- 1. Don't say bad things or criticize the other parent. When you critize the other parent, the children feel critized as well as they often identify with both parents. This rule not only applies to the parents, but also to step-parents and other important adulst in the life of the children.
- 2. Don't share too many details of the divorce. Especially when it concerns school-age children or even younger, it has never been in their interest to be informed about matters such as the court case, child support, or financial concerns. The children may feel confused and not knowing what to do with the information. Teenagers may need more details, but also here, take care not to make them feel involved or responsible.
- 3. Don't have your children become spies for you. Children often feel responsible towards their parents. Asking them to find things out about the other parent, will put them under pressure and in mixed feelings. Find out for yourself if you have questions or doubts concerning your ex-spouse. This will help the the children cope with divorce.
- 4. Don't have a conflict or disagreement in the presence of the children.The children are not responsible for your anger at your spouse. Do not put them in the middle of the negative feelings flying around. Conduct yourself in a mature manner and avoid further confusion for your children. This will help children cope with divorce.
- 5. Don't make your children responsible for making adult decisions. Even if the parents are totally stressed out, there is never a reason for children to have to take on responsibilities thta are the parents only. Let your children be children and take your responsibility as parent.
- 6. Don't deny the truth about the divorce to your children. If they ask why you are divorcing answer their questions and listen to their concerns. However painful the topic is for you as a parent, not listening sends them the message that they and their feelings do not matter. This will help children cope with divorce.
- 7. Don't withhold visitation to punish the other parent. You may feel a need for revenge on the other parent, but never punish the other partner via the children. The pain this causes is never worth that revenge.
- 8. Don't buy your child's love with gifts. Your attention, love and presence is what the children need most. No gift will ever be able to replace the devoted attention of the parent.
- 9. Don't ever stop being the parent. Your children need you for their safe environment and their day-to-day routine. Spend as much time with them as possible and do not ignore their feelings. They may not be very good in expressing them, but the signs will be there.
- 10. Don't forget to have fun. Children need to have fun and are fun to be with. Enjoy eachother and make sure you offer a relaxing fun environment. Let them forget their worries and just be children. Fun and stress do not go together, take advantage of that knowledge.
Fortunately, there are parents that seek divorce child support. Where can you get divorce child support? Mediation is one of the options. Check it out.