Child Divorce Story of Autumn

by Autumn
(West Virginia)

My parents divorced when I was 6 It was really hard to go through. Before the divorce all they did was scream and yell.

It was hard to ignore because we lived in a two bedroom trailer. I would usually cram my head under a pillow and cry. My mom was working and a college student. My dad didn't have a job. That's mostly what they fought over.

My dad moved out and lived with my PawPaw down the Holler. He became a mailman. There was 1 song that I loved, Thank God For Kids. He'd play it for me in the car.

Mom hated the song so Dad would go up and down the holler, by the house, playing it loud. One day Mom called the cops on him. It was so scary to see the police talking to my dad. I got a big bug in my eye and mom was talking to an officer so I didn't know what to do. When he left mom got it out. We moved away from the holler to get away from the drama.

For the next few years it was OK. I went through divorce therapy. My dad started dating my baby sitter. They ended up getting married. My mom kicked my big sister out because she rode the four wheeler when told not to, when I was 8. My mom was heart broken after that. she cried her self to sleep many nights. I had a terrible birthday that year.

One day I asked my mom if i could go to a counselor. She blew up and said that I don't need to go around and tell everyone that she's a bad mother. I was 10. My dad and stepmother divorced. Now he's with another woman. She's nicer than the last. She's an adoptive mother.

There on a on again of again thing. He got a new job and a house. I live with my mom and I visit my dad sometimes. I Don't know what to do now.

I want to live with my dad but I don't know how to tell my mom. I don't want to hurt her. I'm scared she might hurt herself because I've always been her little girl and she almost died when my sister moved out. Please leave a comment on what I should do. I'm sure it's been hardest on my little brother. He is 9, I'm 12, and my sister is 17.

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Aug 12, 2012
What you could do
by: Emmily Napier

Dear Autumn,

Fist of all, I apologize for answering you after 3 weeks. I have been away for a while.

It is difficult for me to give you an answer. I do not know you, nor do I know your family.

Your story of the divorce of your parents is very sad. The divorce and the years after the divorce must have been very difficult for you. It is brave to share it on the web site. There are many more children in a similar situation. That's been told to them often by many people, but it might be encouraging to read your story directly. They even might want to comment on it.

Well, let's go back to your question about what you should do. In your story you do not explain why you want to go and live with your dad. You do not have to tell to us of course, but if you did not do it already, write it down in 3 different ways.

Then, you could list the advantages and the disadvantages for yourself. (Where will you go to school then?)

Next, think about different ways you can turn the disadvantages in advantages, or how you can make the disadvantages look better.

For example: You will not see your little brother very often (I suppose he lives with you and your mother now). You could agree with your parents that you can visit him 2 times a week, or that you can go to him once a week and that he can visit you once a week.

After having worked this out, you could discuss it with a person you completely trust, like older sister. Also if she disagrees. Then, you have to discuss it with your mother. Have a normal conversation, do not fight with her.

Remember, you did not cause the divorce of your parents, and you have the right to have both a mother and a father. If living with your father will prepare you in one way or another better for your future, go for it.

Going to live with your father does not mean that you will not see and love your mother any more.

Did you ask your father explicitly whether he wants you to live with him or not?

You are skared that your mother will hurt herself. Why do you think so?

Of course, you only have to answer these questions to yourself.

Good luck, Emmily Napier

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