I don't remember when my parents divorced exactly. I think I was about 5. I really don't know. Now I'm almost 13. And I think about it a lot. I live with my mom and two siblings. I also have step siblings. And my step dad. The divorce is really hitting me hard now as I realize things.
Oh and I haven't seen my dad in about 5 years. No communication at all. I keep wondering if he ever thinks about me as much as I think of him. Or if he loves me. If I even matter to him at all.
It kills me when I see little girls with their dads all happy. It just reminds me that I'll never have that chance. Ever it seems like. I also wonder. Will I ever see my dad again. It just hurts. And when I look at photo albums from years ago there is not 1 single picture of my dad. I don't even remember what he looks like.
That kills me. When I watch movies and people get married you see the bride walk down the isle with her dad. Another thing I doubt I'll ever be able to do. Why me.
Every year on my birthday I wonder if he even remembers that it's my birthday. I think about him every day. What does he do all day. I just... Kills me. Writing this just makes me cry. My heart just... Breaks.
I really wish I could talk to someone in the same exact place as I am. I wish I knew someone that would know exactly how I feel. Just really understand.