Advice Child Divorce
This article on Advice Child Divorce is broken down in 3 parts: pre-divorce, during the divorce and after the divorce advice.
There are many more things to say, but below you can learn a few important aspects from real life stories. Much more advice can be found elsewhere on this web site.
Advice Child Divorce: Pre-Divorce
Did you do more than everything to save your marriage? Did you both go through a marriage counseling process? Ask yourself: do I really give it a change to succeed? Be honest to yourself and to your partner.
Do not fight. Not in front of the children and not over the backs of the children. Stay away from the blame game. This will spiral for ever.
Do not be angry for longer than necessary. Staying angry consumes all of your energy. Accept the situation and deal with it. You cannot escape reality. Focus on the future of your children and of yourself.
Remember: a divorce is not the end of the world. Most of the time it is the beginning of a new journey. look around and enjoy it.
Advice Child Divorce: During the Divorce
Agree with your partner on how to tell it to the children. Do not wait long before telling them, once you have taken the decision. The best way to tell them is to unite the whole family. Both of you are present. Do not blame, explain what happened, but do not tell them why (since telling why automatically leads to blaming). Explain the consequences for them.
Agree with your partner on the terms of the divorce. If you cannot agree upon it together, you could hire a mediator instead of a lawyer. The mediator takes away the emotions in the negotiation process and he will help you finding the best solutions for all of you.
Things such as who will stay in the house, how will you split your finances, how will you arrange your child custody? How will you organize the parenting? Who will take the children when? How do you organize the transition?
When you draw-up the parenting plan, include that the plan will be evaluated and revised on a regular basis. Things may work out different than you thought and circumstances will change. Your children grow older and will change their lifestyle, behavior and needs.
Child support is an important subject to agree upon with your ex partner. Child support is the amount of money that the non-custodian parent puts on the table each month to cover for the expenses of the children.
In most states, there is a legal minimum amount of child support to be paid. However, in many cases, this amount is very low and does not cover for half of the real expenses.
When negotiating child support amounts in the divorce process, you could consider agreeing upon an age and situation dependent amount. Young children until 6 are not very expensive. Once they go to school, costs will rise year on year. It is wise to agree on a child support schedule that take these changes into account.
It seems to be logical that the parent making and or having the most money, pays for the largest share. What is wrong with letting the non-custodian parent who has a full time job and has high earnings pays more money, while the other parent puts much more time in being, educating, supporting and caring for their beloved children?
Children are very expensive and not everybody seems to realise that. Be honest and face reality. It is already hard for the children that their parents are breaking up, so do not punish them a second time by putting not enough money on the table.
Finally there is the subject of filing for divorce: do you hire your own lawyer? Do you hire 1 lawyer for both of you to do the paperwork and to guide you through the process or do you head for a Do-It-Yourself divorce through one of the companies offering Divorce Kits?.
Important subjects related to Advice Child Divorce are compiled in this paragraph.
Advice Child Divorce: After the Divorce
Your children have the right to have both of their parents. There are too many sad stories of children of divorce (see Children's Divorce Stories that were taken away the possibility to see one of their parents. Or of parents that do not contact nor visit their children after the divorce. As a parent, you have to invest in a good relationship with your children. One day sooner or later, that will pay off.
Do things with your children. As many and as often as possible. Spend as much quality time with them as possible. This means for example that you switch off your mobile phone when you are with them. Play games, go sporting, go hiking, do things that excite both of you. Your ex partner should do the same.
Build a new relationship with your ex partner. This relationship should be purely based on the well-being of your children. Do not dig into each others life's after the divorce. That might only bring back the pain and the bad feelings which bring you nowhere. Talk about your children.
You could use the parenting plan as a basis. Go through the items in the plan and evaluate the proceedings of each of them. Stick to the facts. Do not be angry if the other partner did not comply with one or more things that were agreed before. Ask if there are reasons for not complying. Be flexible and find solutions. Avoid the blame game.
Every now and then, go through the parenting plan items with your children.
If they are old enough, you could consider to involve them when you discuss the parenting plan with your ex partner.
As mentioned before, Advice Child Divorce gives you some advice based on real life stories from divorced parents and children of divorce. In our Children-and-Divorce.com web site you can find many more advice, do's and don'ts and you can read the real life stories. Check it out now.
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