Not Every Divorce Story Has to Hurt.

by Taylor S
(Pennsylvania )

My two parents divorced when I was 5.

Most people I know with divorced parents hear yelling or screaming. While my parents argued, they were quiet, and my dad wasn't home very much anyway.

As far as I am aware he never did my mother the injustice of cheating on her. Their mamarriage did not explode like a volcano, as much as disintigrate.

A lot changed for me and my younger sisters then. My mother moved us up north, while every other family member lived down south, including my dad. She claimed it was because she needed space.

Our home was different,and while my father hadn't been a huge presence in my life, I still missed and loved him. But in the north I've found a home, my best friends are here, liberal minded, and accepting. Something I wouldn't find down south.

I missed out on some things, I wasn't raised by my dad, but for me thats ok, my mother is plenty controlling, and in him I found maybe not so much a parent persay, but a friend, who I respect greatly.

I had to grow up faster, I now have 3 other siblings, and my mother works from 5 till 9 not vice versa. But Im a childlike person, so it balanced nicely. I only see my dad 3 or 4 times a year, which sucks, but I know he cares, and it makes seeing him more special.

While sometimes it hurts, not seeing him, and having other people talk about both their parents, or just fathers, I know mine is a good guy, and he still cares. Same goes for my mother, even if we don't get along well, or we argue a lot.

While I obviously cant speak for all divorcee kids, here is what I know:
It will suck and hurt for a long time, but it does get better;
For most kids of divorce I know both parents still love their kids;
You are not alone, at any given time you will probably know another kid with divorced parents;
If you are hurting talk to someone, preferably the other divorce kids, they know how you feel
you are not a bad kid, nor a loser or weirdo for having divorced parents

To parents:
Unless your former partner is a criminal or should be one, or your child despises them, dont put 3 states and the pacific between your child and the other parent.

Just because you and your partner are no more, does not make the bond between your kids and the other parent any less real or valuable to them: long distance anything is strained.

Second, BE MATURE. Playing the who do you love more game, or fighting over small nuances, or saying I cant even look at (incert ex's name) upsets your child, the people around you, and in the end makes you a villian, even if you didnt intend to.

Lastly don't jump into a relationship immediately after a divorce. Everyone needs some cool down time, it will shock your kids, (for multiple freinds of mine it is destroying the relationships between child and parent)and how ever silly, most kids cling to the hope mom and dad will fall in love again and life will be normal.

Jumping into a relationship that fast is like turning your kid to a glass statue, then beating the statue with a sledgehammer.

If you truly love your lover, you can wait till your kids are no longer going through an emotional earthquake.

Comments for Not Every Divorce Story Has to Hurt.

Average Rating starstarstarstarstar

Click here to add your own comments

Aug 18, 2016
Rating
starstarstarstarstar
Insightful for a parent just starting to go through divorce
by: Anonymous

After a relationship breakdown 3 weeks ago, my wife is running fast headlong into divorcing me. A big shock to say the least.

I'm just starting to get over my own emotional 'shock' and I have had many thoughts as to what I should do including moving far away. I have two young children and my wife wants to tell them next week thatIi'm 'suppose' to be leaving.

I've only just started to think about how/what my children will think/cope. This is very valuable insight. Thank you

May 06, 2015
Rating
starstarstarstarstar
Wonderful insights and lessons for parents
by: Emmily

Dear Taylor,

Thank you so much for taking your time and bring up your experiences and above all for bringing forward your suggestions for parents.

Although the divorce has been difficult for you and it still is, I appreciate that your parents did not yell and scream but argued quietly. At least when you were around.

It is very kind of you to stress the importance for children of divorce to talk to other children of divorce, so they know they are not alone in this difficult situation. It is exactly what you do by posting your store here.

I sincerely hope that others will read your story, both children of divorce and their parents.

It makes a lot of difference to hear the do's and don't from you being a child of divorce instead of hearing it from a psychologist or from other professionals

Thanks again and I wish you all the best,

Emmily

Click here to add your own comments

Join in and write your own page! It's easy to do. How? Simply click here to return to Children's Divorce Stories.