missing my daughter!!

by Joe
(holly, MI)

I met my daughters mother when I was 19 and on Active duty Army. I was in a rapid deployment unit and thought at times I would be sent to combat. We saw each other when we could and soon she got pregnant. I thought the only honorable thing to do was to go to the justice of the peace and marry her. I couldn't have been more wrong.

I got out of the Army and tried to live as a lot of Americans do, work, school,and provide for my family. It was hard, money was tight. We fought about everything. Soon we realized that we needed help. We went to counseling and prayed together, but we soon realized that we were polar opposites.

One weekend, after I got home from the midnight shift, I was just about to fall asleep, and I heard a knock on the door. It was a process server, who told me to appear in court in two days for a custody hearing. This caught me by surprise, since my daughters mother was suppose to be staying with her mom for the weekend. Well, I went around town to try to find a lawyer on little income, but the more I listened and payed the 50 dollar consultation fee, the more I realized how ignorant I was. I eventually settled to use one lawyer which happen to be my ex's mom's boss since she was a paralegal. They talked to my like they really cared, big mistake!

We got the standard divorce, split holidays and weekends. I went to college and worked two jobs. I never missed a child support payment and carried full medical and dental on my daughter. After graduating college, I made more money, and she came at me for an increase in child support. I spent my entire 20's, getting my daughter every other weekend, since I had to work some weekends.

In 2011, my mom got terminally ill and eventually died from breast cancer. While I was pushing my mom's hair from her face, as she struggles to talk. She told me to go find happiness. I thought she was right! I reunited with my high school sweet heart and sat my daughter down and told her that I would be moving away, approx. 600miles.

I tried to modify visitation to half the summer. She gave me 3 weeks instead of 2. Anyways, I thought my daughter and I would be close because of technology and that she had flown on several airplanes since I worked for the airlines for 8 years while I was at college.

Unfortunately, My daughter quit coming to see me and now has stop talking to me. She is 16 years old and a teenager. She has no cellphone and I am blocked from calling her home phone. Her mom says that she doesn't want me in her life because I am to mean.

Well, there is a lot of detail left out with my story, but I would have never predicted that my daughter would avoid me. I think of my self as the fun dad, cool dad. Also I have never missed a child support payment, so why my daughter's mother hates me is mind boggling.

I have since remarried and so has she, but my first born who is 16 avoids me and if I call her mom's cell to just ask to speak with my daughter, I get nasty text in return. I am so confused. I thought about taking legal action but what good will it do since my daughter is convinced that I am the bad for her.

I hope anyone who reads this both man and women can take from my story that if and when you get a divorce, please treat each other with respect and don't use the kids as a tool to get back at the other person. Children really need both parents and parents need that connection too. Hopefully, my daughter will come around, until then I just monitor her Facebook, leave only sweet messages, and pray that she will realize how much I miss her.

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Jan 26, 2017
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So sorry...
by: Anonymous

I really hope and pray that your daughter AND Ex will come around.

There really does need to be love and understanding with divorce. It's so hard.

I am dealing with the very beginning stages now. My husband is in jail (4 plus years).

And even though its for terrible accusations and I'm dealing with those feelings and he was also unfaithful to me, I still maintain his being able to call our daughters who love their daddy very much.

I understand that anyone can make mistakes. I am not here to punish him, he's got enough of that. I always encourage our daughters to write him letters etc and i pray for him that he will get out of all trouble and be reunited with his girls even if we aren't together anymore.

I will never bash him in front of them, ever.

Mar 31, 2015
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She will come back to you
by: Emmilly

Dear Joe,

Your ex is giving you hard times. But don't give up on your doughter. There is no reason for her to avoid you, except from the influence of your ex? Once she becomes more independent, she will get in touch with you again.

Best regards, Emmily.


P.S.: it is wonderful something like Facebook exists.

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