Divorced Parents Syndrome

The divorced parents syndrome is as much a syndrome for the adult children of divorced parents as for the divorsed parents. The wedding of their children is a day that a divorced parent waits for with as much anticipation as the wedding couple. Hopefully the divorced parents will not put up a fuss for the adult chidlren of divorce. In this article about divorced parents syndrome, we will run a couple of scenarios and help you get through in the best possible way. As the topic is a wedding, mostly the divorced mothers are very passionate. The following situations may occur in a divorced parents syndrome:

1. He's not coming if she is, or vice versa

In the divorced parents syndrome, this is what we call a worst case scenario. You need to speak to both divored parents separately and then later together. Explain them how much you love them both and that your day will not be as happy if they're both not there to share it with you. Tell them that this is one day out of their lives, but the first day of the rest of your's. Whatever you do, keep calm, don't yell and let them know what's in your heart. If you cannot get through to them, you will have to choose which one you want at your wedding more. (and let's hope it doesn't come to this!).

2. I'm not going if he's bringing her!

Close to the worst case scenario for the divorced parents syndrome, you better use the same technique. It that fails you have every right not to invite the "new better half". This is a day for family and if you're not close to your parent's new spouse/friend and their invitation will cause extra problems, then it's not worth it.

3. No way in hell I'm sitting beside him!

In this case, that's fine. There are no rules about divorced parents to have to sit together. In that case, at the ceremony, the mother usually sits in the front row and the father in the row behind her. You could also see them both in the front row and separate them by seating other relatives them. At the reception they can be seated at different tables. Seat them with people they like, they won't even notice if they're enjoying the evening.

4. Divorced Payment Plan

Suppose you count on getting financial help from both your parents but they're arguing about paying for things that will be enjoyed by ex-inlaws the day of the wedding. To avoid a divorced parents syndrome, We suggest that you pay for services that everyone uses (venue, caterer, liquor, etc.) and your parents can pay for personal services (flowers, beauty, wedding gown, limo, etc.). Alternative would be that you pay for the wedding yourselves and have the parents pay a cash gift.

5. You're Closer to Your Stepparent

When you have been raised by a stepparent and you you very close to this parent, they can take the natural parent's role in your wedding, i.e. planning it, walking you down the aisle, etc. If you are afraid of hurting anyone's feelings, and all agree, both fathers can walk you down the aisle.

6. Who do I call first after I get engaged?

The first relative to be informed on your engagement should be your mother. 7. How do I word my invitation? : When your parents are divorced, it'll all come down to "who's paying" for the wording and/or "who has raised you". If the mother has not remarried and is hosting the wedding use a combination of her maiden and married name. If the mother has remarried and is hosting the wedding put her remarried name on the invitation. If the mother and new partner are hosting the wedding put "Mr. and Mrs. (his first & last name) request the honour of your presence at the marriage of her daughter's wedding." If both parents will host the wedding together and the mother still uses her ex-partners's last name,"Mr. (dad's first & last) and Mrs. (mom's first and maiden)" or "Mr. and Ms. (dad's first and last name). If the situation is very complicated or arguments are started over wording, the couple's invitation could read as if they are hosting their own wedding.

8. Who walks me down the aisle, dad or step dad

Best is to choose the person who you feel closest to. Etiquette says the natural father should have the privilege. This is a personal call.

9. What is the ceremony seating arrangement for divorced parents

If your parents get along they can both sit in the first row. If the parents don't get along, the mother sits in the first row and the father sits in the row behind her each with their spouses/dates.

10. What happens in the receiving line?

It is traditional that the only man in the receiving line is the groom and this idea is your best bet for divorced parents.

11. Are the parents and their new spouses announced into the hall with the wedding party?

Have only the newlyweds and their wedding party be announced. There is no need to bring more attention to the fact that the parents are divorced.

12. Do my parents have to sit at the same table at the reception?

No, but the mother will sit at the parent's table and the father's table will be beside her's or behind her's.

13. What do I do about the first dance since I'm close to both my dad and step dad?

Don't have an announced "father / daughter" dance, but be sure to dance with both men sometime during the evening.

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