When parents divorce with children the consequences for the children are many. Your divorce will affect your children. This article explains why parents must collaborate for the benefit of their children.
It is best to tell the news of the divorce to your children when the whole family is together. This way everybody gets the same information and there is room to discuss the situation for everybody.
If you tell your children about the divorce seperately, it might - on purpose or not - influence the perception of the child about the grounds of the divorce. In some situations the news will be a surprise, in other situations children might be expecting something.
Children often loose self confidence and they can become socially isolated, loose friends and experience more negative effects of a divorce. They tend to think that they have caused the divorced or that they at least cacontributed to the divorce partially. This must be avoided. The children can never cause a divorce with children. They cannot bring their parents back together again either.
Explaining very clearly to them why you divorce, can help preventing them from blaming themselves. This will reduce the negative impact of divorce with children.
Typically, the children will first want to know what the divorce will mean for their daily lives. The practical things. The emotions kick in a little later.
They can become angry, they do not sleep, they might experience stress or they become unreasonable. Younger children often pee in their beds as an expression of their stress.
Talk to your children as often as possible. Spend serieus time on it and encourage them to express their emotions. In a divorce with children, this is contributes to reducing the negative effects on the children.
Keeping on fighting with your ex partner does not help you. Instead you should be working towards a solution in which you focus on the interests of the children. Fighting, especially fighting in front of your children, will raise their stress levels. They become more and more uncertain about their situation. It may scare them away from one or from both parents.
What you do, the way you as a parent behave, has a bigger impact on the children's behavior than what you tell them. Walk the talk.
You should never say bad things about the other partner in a divorce with children. Neither should parents force their children to choose between one of them. The children have the right to have 2 parents. Not one.
Third, do not communicate to your ex partner through your child. The children will feel being abused.
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